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This year represents a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the words Zoomers is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet act.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {